Chinese Christmas Elf
Well, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when everyone suddenly finds value in acting good and nice towards their fellow persons. Almost as if someone like Santa Claus was watching. Besides the delightful (not!) cold weather, we have the wonderful opportunity to listen to yet another go-around of music designed to get us into the holiday spirit.
A lot of readers write and ask me what my favorite Christmas songs are. Other readers ask what my least favorite Christmas songs are. Well OK, not a lot of readers ask, because I actually don’t have a lot of readers of this fine website. But I know if I did have a lot of readers, they’d want to know. So, as a preemptive strike at the very heart of anti-Christmas forces everywhere, here for the first time ever in print is my list of most favorite and least favorite Christmas music. With a little bonus selection tossed in as a holiday treat.
Most Favorite, in no particular order as I’m not that obsessive:
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Elmo & Patsy
Dance of the Snowflakes
The Nutcracker Suite
Babes in Toyland/March of the Toys
Victor Herbert (1903)
Angels We Have Heard on High
Traditional French carol (Les Anges dans Nos Cam pagnes); translated from French to English by James Chadwick in Crown of Jesus, 1862
Run Rudolph Run
Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree
Jingle Bell Rock
Daryl Hall And John Oates
Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
John & Yoko And The Plastic Ono Band With The Harlem Community Choir
Franz Schubert (1825)
Old City Bar
Trans Siberian Orchestra
OK, that’s eleven, one more than the traditional list of ten best. Not that I don’t like a lot of other music, I just happen to enjoy these a lot.
For my least favorite Christmas music, we have:
James Pierpoint (1857)
I actually used to like this song until I spent Christmas Eve bar-hopping in Hong Kong back in 1995. I spent the entire evening listening to recordings of this song played over and over again, sung by apparent young Chinese women attempting to sing in English. At most bars, this song was accompanied by a few of the young Chinese barmaids attempting to dance to it, wearing Santa Claus hats, while mildly drunk. Then taking a break and serving beer. Somewhere during the evening I became permanently traumatized. Ever since; when I hear Jingle bells I have flashbacks…
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Old and tired.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
I mean. Please. Give us all a break…
Lady. Just get a rich boyfriend and LEAVE SANTA CLAUS ALONE!!!
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
John Rox (1902–1957)and performed by Gayla Peevey (10 years old at the time) in 1953
The tune is kind of catchy, but this little kid would be in for a rude awakening if he actually did get a hippo. Do you really think he’ll clean out the litter box…?
Any Christmas Music by Madonna…
OK, that’s five songs plus. In the spirit of the holiday season, I really can’t list many more. There’s a lot of artists who’ve ruined otherwise great music (but still made a lot of money on their album).
As for the promised bonus, I give you a YouTube rendition of Los del Rio with a Macarena Christmas special. Just because.
Merry Christmas Everyone. Enjoy shopping, stringing up Christmas lights and decoration, filling the house with good cheer, and generally getting ready for the holiday season!
PS: For those diligent readers who just can’t get enough Macarena, I present to you the original Los Rios Video of this classic song (English version):