Vote Republican or the Democrats Win!

Now that the Republican Party has settled on their candidate for President, Saint John McCain of Hanoi Hilton, we quickly see the main theme of the Republican campaign; Fear, Fear, and Fear.

Fear of Terrorists: We never know when old men living in caves in the poorest regions of our planet might launch another sneak attack against us. How can a country that spends more on their military then the rest of the world combined defend itself against hordes of box-knife wielding Koran-waving Muslims determined to take over the White House? There just isn’t enough Duct Tape to go around.

Fear of Immigrants: We should be terrified of the hordes of little brown-skinned people sneaking into our country and monopolizing the unskilled labor job markets. We graciously allow these people to sweep our floors, serve hamburgers, and cut grass for less than minimum wage but they still want their children to go to our schools. If brown-skinned people are not stopped, regular Americans might be forced into doing the unthinkable – learning another language.

Fear of Democrats: If the Republicans cannot scare the American people into voting for Saint McCain, the closet socialist Democrats will unleash four years of horrors the likes of which this country has never seen. We’re talking about universal health care, diplomacy instead of war, protection of the environment, fully-funded Social Security, respect for civil liberties, abiding by rule of law, and forcing rich people to pay their fair share of taxes.

So be afraid, America! Be very afraid! Saint McCain is fighting to defend the Republican utopia of more wars, less jobs, no taxes for the wealthy, and torture for all. If he loses, the Democrats win!

< / SNARK >

Cross-Posted at Daily Kos