Dear Mr. President

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Flying Mail

Dear Mr. President,

I wanted to write you a letter, and decided that posting an open letter on this website had just as much of a chance of being read by you as if I handwrote a personal note on perfume-scented vellum and mailed it directly to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in a big red-white-blue striped envelope with a large lollipop taped to it.

So here goes. My open letter to you sir, the President of these United States.

Tuesday was a bad day for the Democratic Party.  Or so it seems.  I can tell from your press conference you’re feeling pretty beaten right about now.  However, I’m of the humble opinion that bad news often wraps itself around good news, even though that good news is sometimes buried rather deep.  In this case, the good news isn’t actually buried all that deep.  You just have to know where to look for it.

The bad news is that the Democratic party lost control of the House of Representatives.  The good news is that now you have a chance to really understand first hand just how deeply the Republicans hate you, hate your family, hate your friends, hate your dog, hate anyone who has ever in their entire life said anything nice about you, and hate the fact that you are in the White House being in charge.  Instead of being in the White House to shine their shoes.

It’s that simple.  Before Tuesday the Rethugs took their hate out on their Democratic colleagues in Congress.  Anything that any Democrat proposed for anything was automatically blocked, denied, voted down, and laughed down simply because a person from the same political party as you proposed it.

So now that one house of Congress is directly controlled by Republicans, Republicans will be able to vent their spleen on you directly instead of Democratic congress-critters by proxy. This will have two very positive outcomes:

  1. Republicans will be so busy issuing you nonsense subpoenas, launching frivolous investigations, and generating whacked out excuses for impeaching you they just might leave Democratic congress-critters alone long enough for some good legislature to slip past.
  2. You’ll finally stop attempting to negotiate with terroristsRepublicans and be forced into standing up to them.  Which is what we, your Liberal base, the people who helped elect you into the White House two years ago, really want from you.

Stand up to the bullies.  Dare them to go mano-a-mano with you.  Hell, just dare them to some one-on-one on the court, winner takes all and gets their bill passed.  Not that Rethugs will ever live up to their end of a bargain, but at least America will know who’s better at basketball.

I know you’re not a socialistic left-wing Liberal, but I voted for you in 2008 anyway.  I voted for you because I could see that you’re smart, you’re well educated, and your Momma and Grandmamma taught you right.  In short, you’re a decent person, which inherently puts you at a disadvantage going up against monsters who would happily watch a human being die rather than pay $1.00 a year more in taxes.

The other good news from Tuesday is that more right-wing Democratic Congress-critters lost than did left-wing Democratic Congress-critters.  Meaning that the House is far more Liberal today than it was on Monday.  That’s good news because you’ll need those Liberals, and other professional lefties, to have your back these next two years.

I’m not going to give you the “what you need to do to win in 2012” spiel, mostly because I know lots of other people are already doing that.  Like your lovely wife, for one.  Besides, you’re smart enough to figure out what you need to do all by yourself.  In fact, I think you already know what you need to do.  You just need the courage of your convictions to act on it.  I know your Momma and Grandmamma taught you how to do that.

I will say that I’ve taken out futures in popcorn stock, as the next two years’ worth of politics will be quite entertaining to watch.  Entertaining in a sort of black humor train wreck in slow motion while a movie-actor looking guy leaps out and grabs a cute puppy and barely misses being run over by an old man in a pickup truck kind of way.  Besides, since the SyFy channel no longer airs SyFy shows on Friday nights there isn’t much else to watch.  Also.

Mr. President; show your fellow Americans that you can and will stand up to the people who are making it their life’s goal to destroy you.  Fight for the bills, legislature, and real solutions to the vast number of national problems you willingly inherited.  Lots of us left-wing Liberals think you are capable of doing this.  I do speak for myself in saying that I’ll continue to defend and support you regardless of what you actually do in the next two years.  But you’ll make it a hell of a lot easier on me if you do what I know you’re capable of.

Please give my best regards to the First lady and your two wonderful daughters.

Sincerely Yours,
Ron Charest

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